On August 9th, 2018, I was at a tough crossroad in my life. I was starting my first college classes a couple weeks from then, and I felt very nervous and overwhelmed. I had never taken a college class before, and I seriously had no idea what to expect. On top of starting my first classes, I also had lost Bryce to boot camp two days prior. I sat outside at a coffee shop in town, feeling very lost and confused. I did not know what life was going to throw at me this year. I felt so sad and I wished that Bryce would have been sitting across from me at the small, wooden table. I missed his jokes, his smile, and his company. I did not know how I was going to survive the upcoming months without him.
Yesterday was May 8th, 2019. Exactly nine months after I sat all alone outside, reflecting on my life and feeling so strange. Yesterday was the last class I had until summer break. After my class, I went for a little walk outside, simply because I felt free from the stressors I had felt weigh me down the past nine months. Somehow, I found myself sitting at the coffee shop in the exact same seat as before. I was alone, and I was looking at things for the future and all the different options that I had.
Life goes by so fast. The college classes I was worried about all flew by, and now this year was a thing of the past. It felt like my life was in fast motion. In August, I didn’t know how I was going to survive. I didn’t know how I was going to handle all of the things on my plate. I just felt so fearful and unconfident in myself and in my abilities as an independent person.
Yesterday, I sat alone with confidence. I was so joyful. I was so confident because of the confidence Christ gives me every day. I realized that true self-growth isn’t self. Rather, it is the growth in Christ that will truly change your life. It is trusting Him in good times and in bad. God walks with you. Sometimes you don’t realize it until it is months later, but you are never sitting alone at the table. God is always right there across from you, inviting you into His presence.
Yesterday, while I was sitting there looking up different options for my future, I prayed that if there was something I was called to that He would give me a sign of it right at that moment. About two minutes later, a dad and his daughter sit down a few tables away from me, and they looked so happy and excited. I thought it was really sweet and I smiled to myself. A few minutes pass by, and about six people show up to greet the dad and his daughter. They all were so happy and excited. They said things like, “Our flight was so long!” and “It is so nice to finally meet you!” They were all on the urge of tears, and to be honest, so was I.
These people, as they happily continued their reunion, reminded me that first of all, whenever God calls us somewhere, He is going to bring people into our lives that accept us with open arms. God always surprises us. The other thing I was reminded of was how God always welcomes us back into his arms in such a gracious way. Even if we fall far away from Him, He always welcomes us back into His presence. It seems like following God is a long, hard journey. And it is, but before we know it, we will be in heaven with him.
Something that has been worrying me lately was that people will think whatever I do with my life is insignificant or boring. I always try to find super exciting hobbies and job ideas to pursue because I fear being uninteresting or mundane. God revealed to me recently that I need to be focusing on what He is calling me to do instead of doing things that the world defines as successful or exciting. Our truest contentment is found in God and following His purpose for us. I think that is a truth I have forgotten at times, so I figured others would benefit from it as well.
Thanks for listening to my rambling thoughts today 🙂 – Cami